After the storm..

I didn't imagine this week happening this way. I actually could not have imagined the last couple of months going down the way they have.

Sometimes I hinder at what to say, Cause I'm afraid I'll look back and regret it.

I dunno why, I shouldn't really.

I do want to say this though. I miss every piece of freedom anyone should have. Like cooking, or doing your laundry [ without someone nagging of complaining] . Or being looked at in the eye when speaking to someone. I am being purposely pushed out of a conversation. How much longer can one take that? Not very. I often ask myself why I have chosen to surround myself with such hatred and dysfunction. I justify it by knowing I didn't meet him under these conditions. I think "one day it won't be like this". I pray to god I can make it.

No rest, no peace, ever, ever, never, ever.

Something is always terribly exaggerated, or assumed. Something is always being snooped about, pried into. Someone is being talked about in a Negative Light, someone is always beneath you. Someone is always doing something wrong, And people are always making bad choices, even though yours has cost family, years, people, life, love, compassion, empathy. Anything of good, you have destroyed. And it's because you know everyone is better than you. Suffocation, lack of commitment, lack of truth. Lack of real virtue, LACK OF Character, lack of strength, lack of pureness. You are joyful in ones misery, and show no remorse for causing pain. Snub away. Whether you believe in God or Not, whatever energy you draw to yourself is surely to follow your soul.


The days come and go much faster now that I am older, and I feel the ever increasing pressure to be where I should be by society's standards. I have to remind myself that I don't need to move at anyone else's speed but my own. This is supposed to be my epic month, hopefully that is how it turns out.