Adventures they be..

This and That

I miss my family

 I met my uncle at cooks corner the other night. We had dinner and talked about a lot of different stuff. I really miss the way it used to be.

Still

 Can you hear them 

They talk about us 

Telling lies 

Well that's no surprise 

Can you see them 

See right through them 

They have no shield 

No secrets to reveal 

It doesn't matter what they say 

In the jealous games people play 

Our lips are sealed 

Careless talk 

Through paper walls 

We can't stop them 

Only laugh at them 

Spreading rumors 

So far from true 

Dragged up from the underworld 

Just like some precious pearl 

It doesn't matter what they say 

In the jealous games people play 

Our lips are sealed 

Pay no mind to what they say 

It doesn't matter anyway 

Our lips are sealed 

There's a weapon 

We must use 

In our defense 

Silence 

When you look at them 

Look right through them 

That's when they'll disappear 

That's when you'll be feared 

Hush, my darling 

Don't you cry 

Quiet, angel 

Forget their lies

After the storm..

I didn't imagine this week happening this way. I actually could not have imagined the last couple of months going down the way they have.

Sometimes I hinder at what to say, Cause I'm afraid I'll look back and regret it.

I dunno why, I shouldn't really.

I do want to say this though. I miss every piece of freedom anyone should have. Like cooking, or doing your laundry [ without someone nagging of complaining] . Or being looked at in the eye when speaking to someone. I am being purposely pushed out of a conversation. How much longer can one take that? Not very. I often ask myself why I have chosen to surround myself with such hatred and dysfunction. I justify it by knowing I didn't meet him under these conditions. I think "one day it won't be like this". I pray to god I can make it.

No rest, no peace, ever, ever, never, ever.

Something is always terribly exaggerated, or assumed. Something is always being snooped about, pried into. Someone is being talked about in a Negative Light, someone is always beneath you. Someone is always doing something wrong, And people are always making bad choices, even though yours has cost family, years, people, life, love, compassion, empathy. Anything of good, you have destroyed. And it's because you know everyone is better than you. Suffocation, lack of commitment, lack of truth. Lack of real virtue, LACK OF Character, lack of strength, lack of pureness. You are joyful in ones misery, and show no remorse for causing pain. Snub away. Whether you believe in God or Not, whatever energy you draw to yourself is surely to follow your soul.


The days come and go much faster now that I am older, and I feel the ever increasing pressure to be where I should be by society's standards. I have to remind myself that I don't need to move at anyone else's speed but my own. This is supposed to be my epic month, hopefully that is how it turns out.

Some More Of Me

Family

                                           Randy and I

                                   Stacy, Amanda, and Randy

                                    Sommer and Frankie

                                    Mom, Sarah, Dad <3

                                      Sarah and Amanda

                                        

Christopher and Frankie 

Sarah & Mom 

Dog Days Are Over

Happiness / hit her / like a train on a tra-ck 
Coming towards her / stuck still / no turning ba-ck 
She hid around corners / and she hid under beds / 
She killed it with kisses and from it she fl-ed / 
With e-very bubble she sank with a drink / 
And wa-shed it away down the kitchen sink. 

The dog days are over 
The dog days are done 
The horses are comin' so you better run 

Run fast for your mother; run fast for your father / 
Run for your children all your sisters and brothers / 
Leave all your love and your longing behind. 
You can't carry it with you / if you want to survive 

The dog days are ove-r / 
The dog days are do~ne / 
Can you hear the horse-s/ 
'Cos here they come 

And I- never wanted / 
anything from yo-u / 
Except / 
e-verything / you had 
And / what was left after that too / Oh! 

Happiness / hit her / like a bullet in the ba-ck 
Struck from /a great height 


By someone /who should have known be-tte-r / than tha-t

The dog days are ove-r /
The dog days are do~ne /
Can you hear the horses /
'Cos here they co-me

Run fast for your mother / run fast for your father
Run for your children all your sisters and brothers
Leave all your love and your longing behind
You can't carry it with you / if you want to survive

The dog days are ove-r /
The dog days are do~ne /
Can you hear the horse-s/
'Cos here they co-me/

The dog days are ove-r /
The dog days are do~ne /
The horse-s are co-min'
So you'd better ru-n /

The dog days and over-r /
The dog days are do~ne /
The horse-s are co-mi -n' /
So you'd better ru--n

Sometimes It's Awesome

75 % of the way

Everything I need/want seems to moving along, slowly that is. It's a domino affect I'm waiting for. Once I pay this, I can do this. Once we have this, then we can do that. And so on and so forth. Just so tired of working and working and working. On top of having absolutely no sanctuary, no peace of mind. I can't sleep, and when I do it feels like I only slept for a couple hours. This environment seems to have put a halt on my relationship. I keep hoping that maybe things will be different, maybe they will change. The distance grows, and there seems to be nothing stopping it. But enough of that.

Really April is my big month. I will finally get some serious debt payed off and finally have more options. All of this reminds me of how much I hate starting over, and how many times I have had to, and how I don't want to anymore.